"What's a static IP?" "Why do you want IPv6?"

After spending the afternoon tinkering with my new Internet connection, and a lot of time on support chat with the new provider, it comes to pass that they don't think they offer static IPs or IPv6. Not on their residential service. Not on their business service.

How can an allegedly leading telecom and Internet company not offer static IPs or deliver IPv6?

I'm certainly digging into that cringe I felt when the installer cut that DSL line. I'm fine multi-homing my router (it supports dual WAN in several fail-over and load-balancer configurations). I can deal with having both for a while while I figure out other solutions, even moving my services to the cloud. I can have my home lab for my home lab services, but deliver this nonsense from someone else's server.

I was able to get the DSL side of the company to send a repair team to reconnect the DSL for me. I could probably wrangle my way through it, but I've only done internal wiring, never bringing a wire through the wall. I'm also not sure I have the stuff to reconnect the tip and ring of the DSL line with the right bits and bobs, or even in the right order. I get it all, and used to be able to, but I'd have to look it up again.

Sometime between 9:30 and 5:30 today, they say.